Good Morning Troops!
First, some housekeeping announcements. I’m proud to say that Scottie HQ has promoted me to a commissioned officer, jumping me up from the rank of Private First Class. I have been informed today that I am now a 2nd Lieutenant in this Scotties’ Army.
Apparently, the boys in command were impressed with my work in protecting Angus Manor (Open Under New Management) back during the Great Graffiti Caper of 2014. Also, they like my work in the sciences, observational skills, and research. Weren’t impressed with me flunking out of obedience skool, though, but in their words, “due to the recent attrition in the senior Scottie ranks, we have slim pickings, so we might as well offer this to you.”
Ok. My first order of bidness is to address up front the elephant in the room. But in this case, it ain’t an elephant, but a 6 foot tall Bunny. Specifically, a serial break in artist that has been tentative identified as a Mr. E Bunny. Intel suggests he may be operational this Sunday, so it’s our job to capture him, to kill him, and then eat his eggs. Do I get a Hooyah???
Ok…listen up. We are dividing into two groups. First, those of you who have successfully passed the Scottie Undercover and Infilitration Course (Available online from Angus Fala Worldwide Enterprises, by the way. Only $1495 in a self paced class), don your undercover disguise (see me in disguise below for wardrobe tips), and present yourself to the nearest bunny hole. Try to blend in, until E. Bunny puts you in his confidience, then strike when he breaks into his first house. Try not to bite the bunny, or bark at the bunny, until he commits his first unlawful entry.
Now, for you slacker Scotties who didn’t pass the course, we have an important mission for you as well. In case the undercover Scotties aren’t successful, you need to be back up and strike the bunny when he breaks into your individual abode. So stay hidden in your barracks Saturday night-Sunday morning, making sure you wear protection, i.e. your standard issue Polymer Based Attack Repellent Cranium Covers (PBARCC). Either the camouflage version, or standard issue Scottie Green or Black will do. As you see below, I’m wearing the camouflage version.
Well, that is it. Let’s end this lecture now, as I know we Scotties all have short attention spans. Happy Hunting, and HOOYAH!
2nd Lt. Ainsley McKenna