Report to Scottie HQ – New Job for Scottie Troops

Date: 12 June 2015

To: Scottie High Command

From : Lt Ainsley McKenna (rank of Captain pending final approval)

Subject: New Battle Tactics and Vermin for Scotties


A little background.  Back on Wednesday, 3 June 2015, and Sunday, 7 June 2015, hooman staff, male, aka Catman aka Daddy, was attacked by 2 separate RedWing Blackbirds while doing PT (physical training – i.e. jogging), within 2 kilometers of Angus Barracks and Bunny Memorial National Cemetery.  The first attack consisted of actual physical contact – i.e. the bird tried to attack his head, making contact with his head, which for many people, would consist of a hooman brain.  The second attack was not as close, but the bird swooped within 1-2 meters with Catman waving his hat, cussing, and looking utterly ridiculous.

I have submitted a youtube video of how ferocious these redwing blackbird can be.  THIS IS NOT CATMAN, but some random dude on youtube, who is also being attacked by this developing scourge.

Now, this takes me to the patrol of today, 12 June 2015, Evening Hours.  About 5 blocks south of Angus Manor (Under New Management), 2 redwing blackbirds swept down in proximity of Catman’s head, while I was being walked.  On three (3) occassions.  Then, Catman though, hmmm, I have a vermin killer here, with 3 confirmed bunny kills (and who knows how many unconfirmed, cause a proper Scottie lady does not kill and tell).  So he hoisted me high in the air, and the redwing blackbirds, while still swooping and cawing, made sure they stayed well away, 4-5 meters above, these killer Scottie jaws.  Of course, Catman looked utterly ridiculous, but that is not extra-ordinary (see paragraph above).

When I got home, Catman demonstrated to Mama the defensive tactics that we mutually employed (here I am wearing a PBARCC-C (polymer Based Attack repellent cranium cover – camouflage), while in the real battle, I was not wearing any cranium protection.

2015JuneBirdSo, I have three recommendations to respectfully submit to you, Scottie High Command, your eminence, sirs and ma’ams.

First, we need to categorize redwing blackbirds as hostile, and classify them from vermin-2b (secondary) to vermin-1a (primary).

Second – when combating our vermin-1a (primary) avian adversaries, (ie. redwing blackbird), we may require a boost from a qualified staff member.  If no qualified staff is available, a Catman in my case, or a Mr. So, in Penny McNess’s case, will have to suffice.

Third, when executing maneuver as discussed above, a PBARCC-C (Polymer based attack repellent cranium cover – camouflage) should be utilized.

Thank you for your time.


LT Ainsley McKenna (Captain rank pending)

17 thoughts on “Report to Scottie HQ – New Job for Scottie Troops

  1. Gee thanks Ainsley, weez gets no Red wing Blackbirds .. but Magpies here do the same thing in Spring..which here is september.. But neverthe less that big fat lump o lard had to try out Catmans tactics.. See FB Post !!!!

    Liked by 4 people

  2. We believe it is just plain wrong to use house pets to protect the Doggie Daddies. Ace (perfect dog of the house before Missy and us) tangled with a Mocking bird in the Eastern PA section back in the 90’s. Well, he had a bark out with it, no harm to feather or fur.

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Well the NERVE of those hostile redwing blackbirds. Do these blackbirds not realize that it won’t take a Scottie (with the aid of either Catman or Mr So), or for Catman or Mr So (with the aid of said Scottie and Penny McNess Scottie) long to collect Four and Twenty of these evil vermin and we all know the fate that will befall them then !!! ……..and that is just the start of it. I can easily see Scottie Stall located on the corner near Angus Manor (under new management) selling Blackbird Pie !!! Aunt Judy will do the baking.

    Liked by 3 people

  4. Ainsley, I applaud the teamwork you and Catman employed to deter these Nursery Rhyme characters….however I have to agree that they might be protecting their nest. Can Catman take another route? Of course now that he has you to protect him, that must be a moot point. Yrs Faithfully, Skyler Braveheart

    Liked by 1 person

  5. So, they probably just sense that Catman is easy pickings because the Red Wings who come to our feeder here on Argyle Estates flee whenever he comes out or in the Dammit Door. I suggest we send Sgt. Angus to your compound to show you how to defend yourself. Catman is on his own…survival of the fittest, that sort of thing. Please let me know when you wish Sgt. Argyle to report for duty.

    Liked by 2 people

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