Date: 12 June 2015
To: Scottie High Command
From : Lt Ainsley McKenna (rank of Captain pending final approval)
Subject: New Battle Tactics and Vermin for Scotties
A little background. Back on Wednesday, 3 June 2015, and Sunday, 7 June 2015, hooman staff, male, aka Catman aka Daddy, was attacked by 2 separate RedWing Blackbirds while doing PT (physical training – i.e. jogging), within 2 kilometers of Angus Barracks and Bunny Memorial National Cemetery. The first attack consisted of actual physical contact – i.e. the bird tried to attack his head, making contact with his head, which for many people, would consist of a hooman brain. The second attack was not as close, but the bird swooped within 1-2 meters with Catman waving his hat, cussing, and looking utterly ridiculous.
I have submitted a youtube video of how ferocious these redwing blackbird can be. THIS IS NOT CATMAN, but some random dude on youtube, who is also being attacked by this developing scourge.
Now, this takes me to the patrol of today, 12 June 2015, Evening Hours. About 5 blocks south of Angus Manor (Under New Management), 2 redwing blackbirds swept down in proximity of Catman’s head, while I was being walked. On three (3) occassions. Then, Catman though, hmmm, I have a vermin killer here, with 3 confirmed bunny kills (and who knows how many unconfirmed, cause a proper Scottie lady does not kill and tell). So he hoisted me high in the air, and the redwing blackbirds, while still swooping and cawing, made sure they stayed well away, 4-5 meters above, these killer Scottie jaws. Of course, Catman looked utterly ridiculous, but that is not extra-ordinary (see paragraph above).
When I got home, Catman demonstrated to Mama the defensive tactics that we mutually employed (here I am wearing a PBARCC-C (polymer Based Attack repellent cranium cover – camouflage), while in the real battle, I was not wearing any cranium protection.
First, we need to categorize redwing blackbirds as hostile, and classify them from vermin-2b (secondary) to vermin-1a (primary).
Second – when combating our vermin-1a (primary) avian adversaries, (ie. redwing blackbird), we may require a boost from a qualified staff member. If no qualified staff is available, a Catman in my case, or a Mr. So, in Penny McNess’s case, will have to suffice.
Third, when executing maneuver as discussed above, a PBARCC-C (Polymer based attack repellent cranium cover – camouflage) should be utilized.
Thank you for your time.
LT Ainsley McKenna (Captain rank pending)