Today at Angus Fala Worldwide Enterprises

Cold snowy day, again, but that doesn’t mean we aren’t hard at work at Angus Fala Worldwide Enterprises.  Working hard to have you serve us better.

Today, my crackhead executive assistants, Mr. Bear, and Ainsley, came in to my office for us to discuss some issues.  Mainly, their failures in relationship to my linguistic magnificence, and how that perceptual dissonance is causing a quid pro quo juxtaposition in multi platform reality outputs in terms of customer performance metrics.

In other words, in non business, laymen’s terms, they both suck.

2015 Jan 8 AFE

Undercover Scottie

Today, I decided to take a page out of the TV Show “Undercover Boss.”  I put on a disguise, and headed in to Angus Fala Worldwide Enterprises to see how my employees behave when I am not around.

2015JanUndecover
Waiting to Enter Angus Fala Worldwide – observing the action from the outside lookin’ in

But I had a snag.  I think the employees are on to me.  They handed me a treat when I came around their desk, just like they normally do.  I don’t understand.  Just like the boss on the TV show, I wore a disguise.  I wore a new snazzy red plaid collar, instead of my normal old snazzy blue plaid collar.  Don’t understand this at all.  How did they know?  I bet that Ainsley tipped them off.

2015JanAngusTreat
From Today in my Red Collar – notice the treat they gave me, and I dropped it in stunned disbelief. (Of course, I ate it eventually – my mama didn’t raise no Scottie Fool)
AngusBeforeCollar
From a couple of months ago, wearing my usual work outfit – the blue collar. See the difference???? I look dramatically different than I did today

Well Well Well – Look what the Paternity Lawyer Dragged in…

2014DecHippieBear

So this morning, we were sitting around the conference table at Angus Manor, celebrating Ainsley’s 5th Birthday yesterday by pointing out all her shortcomings when we had a knock on the door….

KNOCK KNOCK KNOCK KNOCK!

“Who is it? “I barked?

“Is there a Mr. Biggie Bear here?,” said the man in the suit with the slick backed oily hair

“Yes, he is an unpaid intern here at Angus Fala Worldwide Enterprises” I growled

“I’m a Dallas Texas Attorney.  My name is Dewey Cheatem, and I have something for Mr. Bear – HERE!  It’s his son!”

Well, lo and behold, we now have a Hippie Bear Cub at the Manor.  I asked Mr. Bear to explain himself – and he said “well, boss, it was a turbulent time, and I was working as an undercover bear at an anti war protest rally in Austin, and let’s just say it was me…it was her…a bottle of tequlia…love in the air…and a night of passion”

Hmmm.

Well, this kinda makes the year in review of Ainsley’s shortcomings pale in significance, I’d say.

Christmas Performance Bonus Time at Angus Fala Worldwide Enterprises

Merry Christmas from me, the CEO, at Angus Fala Worldwide Enterprises!

Today Ms. Mary in the front office distributed the performance bonuses (aka treats) to me, Ainsley, and Mr. Bear.  (See Pic)2014 XmasPerformanceBonusIf you notice closely, you can see that Mr. Bear shocked and awed us with his skills.  He can balance a treat on his nose FOR HOURS, and never seems tempted to eat it.  Weird huh?  I bet he is sorry his mouth is sewed shut now!

We got lots of performance bonuses, because our performance must be good.  Our business is Angus Fala Worldwide, and business is good!

Now, back to work!

Sgt. Angus Fala, CEO
Angus Fala Worldwide Enterprises

Just Another Friday Morning at Angus Fala Worldwide Enterprises

DSCN0614What have we here?  Looks like the Shipping Department has left a box of product open and unattended on the facility floor.


DSCN0616Just what are the boys in shipping sending out today…hmmmm..


DSCN0618Looks like we have Scottie Toys, Devil Balls, some Scottie Magnets, and oh – what’s this – some Bully Sticks.


DSCN0624Yep, the inspection by your CEO is now over.  Everything seems in order.


DSCN0620But I’m gonna take off a Bully Stick for Quality Control Purposes.

Meet our New Employee, Mr. Bear!

Dear Friends, Enemies, and Assorted Hangers-on and Sycophants:

Some of you may remember my post from a couple of weeks ago when I was interviewing Mr. Biggie Bear.  Mr. Bear was seeking full-time high paid employment at Angus Fala Worldwide Enterprises in order to support his wife and 3 Bear Cubs.

Mr Bear InterviewMany, or maybe it might actually only be one of you, have inquired if Mr. Biggie Bear got employment with my company and if this story has a happy ending and Mr. Bear can now be a productive member of the American workforce and can now support his family.

The answer is no.

Well, let me qualify that – Mr. Bear did not present the proper qualifications for paid employment at Angus Fala Worldwide Enterprises.  What are those qualifications, you ask?  Well, I’ll tell ya – Those qualifications for paid employment are:

1. Are you a child?

2. Are you currently living in a 3rd world country, preferably Bangladesh?

3. Does your country have lax child labor and occupational safety laws and enforcement?

If all 3 of those qualifications are met, then you just might be Angus Fala Worldwide Material.  Unfortunately, Mr. Bear did not have any of those 3 items on his resume.

But I got good news.  I was able to extend Mr. Bear an offer as a permanant unpaid, 80 hour a week unpaid intern, and he did accept.  It means he had to divorce his wife and place his 3 cubs in the home of his uncle, Smokey, but hey, personal life is none of my concern.  I’m running a business here, not a social club!

Angus & Mr. Bear Dec 2014Here is Mr. Bear on his first day on the job.  I’m letting him watch as I show him how the CEO of Angus Fala Worldwide (that would be me) digs into his latest performance bonus.

So far, he is doing well.  He is not saying a heck of a lot (unlike Ainsley), but he seems pretty slow and doesn’t move around much either.  Just so he doesn’t mess with my toys, I think we’ll be a-ok.

All the Best,
Sgt. Angus Fala, Chief Executive Officer & Chairman of the Board
Angus Fala Worldwide Enterprises, LTD INC LLC