Ainsley and I are Wisconsin Scotties. Bred & Born in Janesville, Wisconsin behind the cheddar curtain.
Our hooman staff, though, are Southerners. Well, Mama was born in Indiana, but raised in Georgia, and Catman born and raised in Georgia. But they’ve lived up here with us Yankees for the past 25 years.
They don’t have many Southern characteristics that they have retained – except maybe their accents. But one Southern dish they will eat is grits. And quite frankly, though I’m a Yankee Scottie, I like the grits myself too. I never do the ol’ sniff and sneer at Mama’s grits!
Mama doesn’t try to make them from scratch. My late great hooman grandmama did – and boy, were they good! Mama makes the instant kind, and they are pretty good. And let me give you guys a cooking tip. Go easy on the water. You don’t need nearly as much water in the bowl as they say. Last thing you want is watery grits. And you don’t need anything in there – except maybe butter. Butter goes together with grits like stubbornness goes with a Scottie.
So grits are the one southern dish that me and Ainsley thoroughly enjoy. Catman’s boiled peanuts though? Bleech!
We are at Defcon tAttention! May I have your attention please?
This weekend’s High will be 40 degrees, which will be, I think, 4C to you Non-American Scotties. Very warm for winter time.
And if my 14 winters are any guide, a break in the cold weather means everyone is gonna be out there. Walkers, Runners, Bicyclists, Terrorists, Hobos, Huskies, Foo-Foo Dogs, and maybe even the dreaded cat in a stroller.
So make sure you have plenty of rounds of Acoustic Salvos (barks) – both long, medium and short range units. And be ready for some close action growling and howling. And grab your Standard Scottie Issue Polymer Based Attack Repellent Cranium Cover (PBARCC – or Helmets to you non-military vocabulary impaired out there) and work that fence line.
Be careful – I’d like to see you all back here on Monday.
I woke up the hoomans at 7:15 am…barking. Apparently, they foolishly and irresponsibly thought they could sleep in because it is the weekend. Nope. Not gonna happen. I have things to do, no rest for the weary.
Hooman tried to give me some meds, and as per usual, put it in Carl Buddig Turkey. (I used to get them in Greenies Pill Pockets, but I started rejecting those back in 2012). They didn’t adequately wrap my pills, so the first turkey slice I got the turkey, but the pills fell out. Here is the picture right after it happened.
-The green/black pill in the far right corner is my Vetoryl ($3 a pill, the big blue pill is my Demamarin, the little white one is my Melatonin-
Then, after I got my pills, I rested a bit, then time for my midday patrol. It was about 10 degrees, but not much wind. I went out wearing Ainsley’s Dress Uniform, cause my dress uniform from Scottie Logistics, Southern Command (Australia) doesn’t fit me anymore, since I lost so much weight this year. And Ainsley prefers to go au naturel…cause she is a bit of a non-conformist hippie, I believe.
– Here I am in Ainsley’s Battle Dress Uniform on a snowy Saturday afternoon –
Well, we were especially on the lookout today for the French Female Terrorist, but I can say with certainty she is not in the neighborhood. Apparently, no Huskies, Bicyclists, Joggers, Vagrants, Thieves, or Airedales were in the ‘hood either today. We saw no one. So no acoustic salvos had to be fired. We did take one casualty though. Ainsley started limping half way through the patrol, whining she had snow stuck in her paw. Well, a few slaps by me to her head, and some berating she is a yellow belly coward, and we got her on the move again. Morale is my middle name, and the beatings will continue until morale improves. So here is the combat photograph as Ainsley and I enter the gate to enter the Angus Manor Compound.
– Ainsley in front of the picture looking stoopid, and me looking smart, in full dress reds –
Well, we then earned a well deserved rest. As you see here, I am relaxing on my pillows, while the stoopid cats are lounging around in Mama’s lap. If you notice the white dots on my beard and snout it is the snow melting. After such a grueling patrol, we rested all day.
– Resting in the Entertainment Room – Barracks –
Well, a pretty uneventful Saturday. But as we say in the Scottie army, any Saturday you can walk away from is a good one. See you Sunday.
Cold snowy day, again, but that doesn’t mean we aren’t hard at work at Angus Fala Worldwide Enterprises. Working hard to have you serve us better.
Today, my crackhead executive assistants, Mr. Bear, and Ainsley, came in to my office for us to discuss some issues. Mainly, their failures in relationship to my linguistic magnificence, and how that perceptual dissonance is causing a quid pro quo juxtaposition in multi platform reality outputs in terms of customer performance metrics.
In other words, in non business, laymen’s terms, they both suck.
A cold snowy night at Angus Manor tonight. They say it’s gonna be quite the snow storm and coupled with some frigid weather – negative 15 degrees Fahrenheit by Thursday morning.
– me just returning from the patrol, Ainsley beside me in her full dress red uniform –
Private Ainsley and yours truly just returned safely from my nightly patrol. Here you see me, wearing my high tech camouflage winter wear. Though I gotta wonder what the boys in Scottie Logistics are thinking, going with the orange and blue camo pattern. Don’t know what color the snow is over at the Homeland of Scotland, but here in the frontiers of Illinois, it comes in one color – white.
So sleep well under your warm blanket of freedom, and know that Ainsley is out there on that wall. Myself – well, I’ll be snuggled right next to you in that warm blanket of freedom. It’s too dang cold for Senior Master Sergeants in this Scottie’s Army!
Today, I decided to take a page out of the TV Show “Undercover Boss.” I put on a disguise, and headed in to Angus Fala Worldwide Enterprises to see how my employees behave when I am not around.
Waiting to Enter Angus Fala Worldwide – observing the action from the outside lookin’ in
But I had a snag. I think the employees are on to me. They handed me a treat when I came around their desk, just like they normally do. I don’t understand. Just like the boss on the TV show, I wore a disguise. I wore a new snazzy red plaid collar, instead of my normal old snazzy blue plaid collar. Don’t understand this at all. How did they know? I bet that Ainsley tipped them off.
From Today in my Red Collar – notice the treat they gave me, and I dropped it in stunned disbelief. (Of course, I ate it eventually – my mama didn’t raise no Scottie Fool)From a couple of months ago, wearing my usual work outfit – the blue collar. See the difference???? I look dramatically different than I did today
To: Scottie High Command
From: Sgt. Angus Fala
Date: 31 December 2014
Time: 08:00 Local Time
Location: Local Proximity and Environs, Firebase Angus Fala
Description: Went on a patrol this morning with Private Ainsley McKenna. Seen here, you can tell we went out equipped in our Winter Gear, as the actual temperature was 1 degree Fahrenheit (-17 degrees Celsius), with a windchill approaching negative 10. Ainsley was wearing her full dress Battle Scottie Uniform, as supplied by Scottie Logistics – Southern Division (B. Murray- Australia). I have lost far much to weight to wear my dress uniform from Ms. Murray, so I had to wear just a conventional sweater. Even then, it just hanged off me. Normally, as you know, I mock Scotties that wear their sweaters when it is like 40 degrees, but once we approach zero, we appreciate the warmer gear.
Enemy Encounters: None. Very quiet. We did get barked at by the Yorkies from their position in the front window of the next door house, but they are not hostile. Just stoopid.
Unless an emergency arises, my next communication will be in 2015.
So this morning, we were sitting around the conference table at Angus Manor, celebrating Ainsley’s 5th Birthday yesterday by pointing out all her shortcomings when we had a knock on the door….
KNOCK KNOCK KNOCK KNOCK!
“Who is it? “I barked?
“Is there a Mr. Biggie Bear here?,” said the man in the suit with the slick backed oily hair
“Yes, he is an unpaid intern here at Angus Fala Worldwide Enterprises” I growled
“I’m a Dallas Texas Attorney. My name is Dewey Cheatem, and I have something for Mr. Bear – HERE! It’s his son!”
Well, lo and behold, we now have a Hippie Bear Cub at the Manor. I asked Mr. Bear to explain himself – and he said “well, boss, it was a turbulent time, and I was working as an undercover bear at an anti war protest rally in Austin, and let’s just say it was me…it was her…a bottle of tequlia…love in the air…and a night of passion”
Hmmm.
Well, this kinda makes the year in review of Ainsley’s shortcomings pale in significance, I’d say.
In the Book Of Scotties, it is written that Scotties view cats as Vermin. And a Scottish Terrier is supposed to eliminate his planet of all Vermin. That is the mission we have been tasked with and we take it seriously. All Scotties, even my dwarf Scottie sister Ainsley, know this.
Unfortunately, no one told my hooman staff.
I have lived with cats since day one here at Angus Manor. When I arrived on the scene on Father’s Day, 2001, there were 3 here – a 17 year old Black Cat named Prissy, an 8 year old Siamese named Dinah, and a long haired orange boy named Pickles. I learned quickly they all have their claws, and if I chase them, I get reprimanded by the staff. Well, the three original cats have all moved on to the cat equivalent of the rainbow bridge, 3 other cats have come and gone from the manor, and now we only have the gray haired twins, Herman and Lily. As Cats go, they seem ok. Never give me trouble, and never would dare to lay a paw on me in anger. In fact, sometimes they snuggle up to me when I am sleeping, and I don’t pay them any attention. They aren’t family, but I know to leave them alone, so I pretty much ignore them. And here’s what sometimes makes me appreciate cats. Occasionally, hoomans will have a bag of food on the counter, and since cats have counter privileges here and the skills to jump up to high spaces, they will sometimes push the bag of food down to Scottie level. Sweet! And sometimes, the hoomans forget to put the catfood out of Scottie paw reach, and there is nothing more delicious than cat food, except maybe the cat litter poo hors d’oeuvres. Here I am partaking in some delicious forbidden cat food.
So I am open minded enough to appreciate the feline species. As you see here…However, for the past week, Hooman sister has been visiting us. And while her presence is most welcome, she brought her two evil cats – Diablo Uno and Diablo Dos. And they are pure unmitigated undiluted evil. They get into everything, always thinking of ways to cause trouble, and aren’t above trying to hiss at me and slap me with their claws.
So I have been reading a volume out of the Non-Fiction section of the Angus Manor Library – and I am quite concerned. Diablo Uno and Dos are supposed to be leaving tomorrow. Til then, I think I will be sleeping with one eye open.
Merry Christmas from me, the CEO, at Angus Fala Worldwide Enterprises!
Today Ms. Mary in the front office distributed the performance bonuses (aka treats) to me, Ainsley, and Mr. Bear. (See Pic)If you notice closely, you can see that Mr. Bear shocked and awed us with his skills. He can balance a treat on his nose FOR HOURS, and never seems tempted to eat it. Weird huh? I bet he is sorry his mouth is sewed shut now!
We got lots of performance bonuses, because our performance must be good. Our business is Angus Fala Worldwide, and business is good!
Now, back to work!
Sgt. Angus Fala, CEO
Angus Fala Worldwide Enterprises
Angus Fala Worldwide Enterprises 