Safety First at Angus Fala Worldwide International

We are happy here at Angus Manor, Worldwide HQ for Angus Fala Worldwide International, that Hooman Sister is spending the Christmas week with us from her home in Oklahoma.

But did she have to bring her cats tooooooooooooo?

A little background – As you may know, we live with twin gray cats, Herman and Lily.  As cats go, they don’t give us no trouble.  They never slap us or hiss at us, and know their place is to stay on high ground and occasionally push down some treats or food on the floor so we Scotties can confiscate.  Don’t get me wrong – I’m not soft on cats – I know cats are vermin but we tolerate Herman & Lily, pretty much most of the time, cause if we give chase we immediately hear from the staff “ANGUS – AINSLEY – LEAVE THE CATS ALONE!!!”   So we have a detente toward the cats.  We don’t view them as real , but we grudgingly tolerate them as long as they stay high – literally.

However, this week it is a different story.  Hooman sis brought her cats from Oklahoma.  I call them Diablo Uno and Diablo Dos, because they are evil personified – or in this case, catified.  They hiss, they slap, they bite, they fight, they open cabinets, they jump on things – in short they are pure 100% unadulterated evil.

So because I want to be safe, I wear my safety gear around these cats.  Like you see here…when Diablo Dos had the high ground on me, and can reign destruction on my head, I decided it was time to don my hard hat.  Now, I just need to find my safety goggles.

December 2014 Construction Site
click pic to enlarge

Just Another Friday Morning at Angus Fala Worldwide Enterprises

DSCN0614What have we here?  Looks like the Shipping Department has left a box of product open and unattended on the facility floor.


DSCN0616Just what are the boys in shipping sending out today…hmmmm..


DSCN0618Looks like we have Scottie Toys, Devil Balls, some Scottie Magnets, and oh – what’s this – some Bully Sticks.


DSCN0624Yep, the inspection by your CEO is now over.  Everything seems in order.


DSCN0620But I’m gonna take off a Bully Stick for Quality Control Purposes.

Sunday Afternoon Drive

Here at Angus Manor, after church, we like to go on a Sunday drive.  It typically consists of a swing through McDonald’s and heading out of town to do a little barking at the cows.  So we all piled into the Angus Mobile, wearing our sunday bests – me and Ainsley in our standard issue Scottie skirts, and Mr. Bear wearing his shorts and no shirt – and took off.  See picture below.

Driving
Click to Enlarge Pic

Well – we hadn’t even made it to McDonald’s, before our local Po-Po (that would be Police for those of you who are cool-impaired) decide to pull us over.  Obviously, a textbook case of PROFILING.  Well, Ainsley and I wanted to get out and bark at the cop that we were gonna sic Al Sharpton on him, but Mr. Bear, calmly handled things, produced his driver’s license (see below), and the police officer bid us a good day, and let us go on  our way.

Mr.BearDriversLicenseLet that be a lesson to you kids out there – a Bear With Credentials is a wonderful thing.

Drive on!

Sgt. Angus Fala

We Almost Lost Ainsley Today

So, Catman (aka Daddy) – takes Ainsley to work with him.  I stayed home, per my usual Modus Operandi.  Ainsley, Catman, Hooman Uncle, Hooman Grandpa, and another dude drive around a bit, to McDonald’s of course, and comes back to the work, leaving Ainsley in the Van (aka Angus Mobile), about 4:20 pm.  Then, about 6:30 pm, Catman leaves work, goes out to the parking lot, and hooman uncle, who is getting in his car, remarks that Catman’s van, (aka Angus Mobile) has its side door open.

OH NO!

Catman immediately rushes to the van, afraid, and expecting to find an empty van, with Ainsley gone.   A door left open, for who knows how long, and a 4 year old Scottie, of course she’s gone, maybe forever, maybe hit by a car, who knows what, right?  Well, the door was indeed open, wide open, but Ainsley was still inside the van, just sitting in the driver’s seat.

WOW!

Don’t know how it happened…don’t know when it happened.  That van, a Chrysler, has had crazy electrical problems before…windows that roll open, windshield wipers that quit working, headlights that stop working, radios that go dark…all sorts of crazy things.  And the doors are electrical – and can be open from a little button on the remote control.  So we don’t know if maybe the door was opened by accidentally pressing the button just minutes before Catman went outside, or if had been open for hours by some crazy random electrical glitch.  All we know is we are all amazed that crazy Ainsley didn’t make a break toward freedom, like she did a couple of years ago when a fence gate was accidentally left open.

WEIRD!

Anyway, everything is ok.  Pic below is tonight, after the almost tragic events, with Ainsley watching the “Amazing Race,”, one of her favorite TV Shows.  A show about travelling – which is funny, since she had her chance to do some travelling today and didn’t take it.

LESSONS!

Staff says they won’t let us stay in the van anymore, and it will be traded in – soon. Ainsley TV

 

Grooming Day!

Today is the worst day of all – grooming day.

AngusPosting
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Here I am before the grooming –

And here is Ainsley pleading with Catman (aka Daddy) to not let the groomer take her.  Pitiful.

AinsleyPleading
Click to Enlarge

The groomer said we did “ok.” – and time now for your teachable moment.  Never let a groomer say that you were “good,” or “sweet,” or anything like that.  You want to be “bad”, “difficult,” or preferably “we had to call the ambulance to take the groomer to the hospital.  We think her finger might can be reattached.”  That’s what I’m shooting for next time.  But for now, I have to live we “ok.”

And we’re back now at Angus Manor.  Post grooming pics to come later.

Sgt. Angus

Graduation Day

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The Pageantry that is the Angus Fala Devil Ball Graduation Ceremony – click on this picture to see a full screen of this wonderful event.

I didn’t post anything this weekend, because I was busy for a very solemn ceremony.  Graduation day at Angus Manor.

15 Devil Ball recruits have been trained at Angus’s Devil Ball Boot Camp and Hell Week (another fine service of Angus Fala Worldwide – Defense Industries).

Now, these Devil Ball Soldiers, newly commissioned Private First Class in the Scottie Army, will be dispatched, literally, around the world.

As you see above, I am addressing the new troops, which are attentively listening to me on the rug in front of me, while the rest of my army listens in rapt attention.

I told the new soldiers the following in their graduation address:

Always stick to your cover story.  Always.  Never tell the truth, even when it’s obvious you are lying.

Don’t give a North Korean Hacker your username and password.

Remember – a stranger is an enemy you haven’t met yet.

And finally – Wear Sunscreen.  The long term benefits of sunscreen have been proven by scientists.

Here you can see another view of my awe-inspiring and modest lecture:

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Addressing the Troops – click on picture to enlarge

Meet our New Employee, Mr. Bear!

Dear Friends, Enemies, and Assorted Hangers-on and Sycophants:

Some of you may remember my post from a couple of weeks ago when I was interviewing Mr. Biggie Bear.  Mr. Bear was seeking full-time high paid employment at Angus Fala Worldwide Enterprises in order to support his wife and 3 Bear Cubs.

Mr Bear InterviewMany, or maybe it might actually only be one of you, have inquired if Mr. Biggie Bear got employment with my company and if this story has a happy ending and Mr. Bear can now be a productive member of the American workforce and can now support his family.

The answer is no.

Well, let me qualify that – Mr. Bear did not present the proper qualifications for paid employment at Angus Fala Worldwide Enterprises.  What are those qualifications, you ask?  Well, I’ll tell ya – Those qualifications for paid employment are:

1. Are you a child?

2. Are you currently living in a 3rd world country, preferably Bangladesh?

3. Does your country have lax child labor and occupational safety laws and enforcement?

If all 3 of those qualifications are met, then you just might be Angus Fala Worldwide Material.  Unfortunately, Mr. Bear did not have any of those 3 items on his resume.

But I got good news.  I was able to extend Mr. Bear an offer as a permanant unpaid, 80 hour a week unpaid intern, and he did accept.  It means he had to divorce his wife and place his 3 cubs in the home of his uncle, Smokey, but hey, personal life is none of my concern.  I’m running a business here, not a social club!

Angus & Mr. Bear Dec 2014Here is Mr. Bear on his first day on the job.  I’m letting him watch as I show him how the CEO of Angus Fala Worldwide (that would be me) digs into his latest performance bonus.

So far, he is doing well.  He is not saying a heck of a lot (unlike Ainsley), but he seems pretty slow and doesn’t move around much either.  Just so he doesn’t mess with my toys, I think we’ll be a-ok.

All the Best,
Sgt. Angus Fala, Chief Executive Officer & Chairman of the Board
Angus Fala Worldwide Enterprises, LTD INC LLC