Today at Angus Fala Worldwide Enterprises

Cold snowy day, again, but that doesn’t mean we aren’t hard at work at Angus Fala Worldwide Enterprises.  Working hard to have you serve us better.

Today, my crackhead executive assistants, Mr. Bear, and Ainsley, came in to my office for us to discuss some issues.  Mainly, their failures in relationship to my linguistic magnificence, and how that perceptual dissonance is causing a quid pro quo juxtaposition in multi platform reality outputs in terms of customer performance metrics.

In other words, in non business, laymen’s terms, they both suck.

2015 Jan 8 AFE

Well Well Well – Look what the Paternity Lawyer Dragged in…

2014DecHippieBear

So this morning, we were sitting around the conference table at Angus Manor, celebrating Ainsley’s 5th Birthday yesterday by pointing out all her shortcomings when we had a knock on the door….

KNOCK KNOCK KNOCK KNOCK!

“Who is it? “I barked?

“Is there a Mr. Biggie Bear here?,” said the man in the suit with the slick backed oily hair

“Yes, he is an unpaid intern here at Angus Fala Worldwide Enterprises” I growled

“I’m a Dallas Texas Attorney.  My name is Dewey Cheatem, and I have something for Mr. Bear – HERE!  It’s his son!”

Well, lo and behold, we now have a Hippie Bear Cub at the Manor.  I asked Mr. Bear to explain himself – and he said “well, boss, it was a turbulent time, and I was working as an undercover bear at an anti war protest rally in Austin, and let’s just say it was me…it was her…a bottle of tequlia…love in the air…and a night of passion”

Hmmm.

Well, this kinda makes the year in review of Ainsley’s shortcomings pale in significance, I’d say.

Christmas Performance Bonus Time at Angus Fala Worldwide Enterprises

Merry Christmas from me, the CEO, at Angus Fala Worldwide Enterprises!

Today Ms. Mary in the front office distributed the performance bonuses (aka treats) to me, Ainsley, and Mr. Bear.  (See Pic)2014 XmasPerformanceBonusIf you notice closely, you can see that Mr. Bear shocked and awed us with his skills.  He can balance a treat on his nose FOR HOURS, and never seems tempted to eat it.  Weird huh?  I bet he is sorry his mouth is sewed shut now!

We got lots of performance bonuses, because our performance must be good.  Our business is Angus Fala Worldwide, and business is good!

Now, back to work!

Sgt. Angus Fala, CEO
Angus Fala Worldwide Enterprises

Sunday Afternoon Drive

Here at Angus Manor, after church, we like to go on a Sunday drive.  It typically consists of a swing through McDonald’s and heading out of town to do a little barking at the cows.  So we all piled into the Angus Mobile, wearing our sunday bests – me and Ainsley in our standard issue Scottie skirts, and Mr. Bear wearing his shorts and no shirt – and took off.  See picture below.

Driving
Click to Enlarge Pic

Well – we hadn’t even made it to McDonald’s, before our local Po-Po (that would be Police for those of you who are cool-impaired) decide to pull us over.  Obviously, a textbook case of PROFILING.  Well, Ainsley and I wanted to get out and bark at the cop that we were gonna sic Al Sharpton on him, but Mr. Bear, calmly handled things, produced his driver’s license (see below), and the police officer bid us a good day, and let us go on  our way.

Mr.BearDriversLicenseLet that be a lesson to you kids out there – a Bear With Credentials is a wonderful thing.

Drive on!

Sgt. Angus Fala

Meet our New Employee, Mr. Bear!

Dear Friends, Enemies, and Assorted Hangers-on and Sycophants:

Some of you may remember my post from a couple of weeks ago when I was interviewing Mr. Biggie Bear.  Mr. Bear was seeking full-time high paid employment at Angus Fala Worldwide Enterprises in order to support his wife and 3 Bear Cubs.

Mr Bear InterviewMany, or maybe it might actually only be one of you, have inquired if Mr. Biggie Bear got employment with my company and if this story has a happy ending and Mr. Bear can now be a productive member of the American workforce and can now support his family.

The answer is no.

Well, let me qualify that – Mr. Bear did not present the proper qualifications for paid employment at Angus Fala Worldwide Enterprises.  What are those qualifications, you ask?  Well, I’ll tell ya – Those qualifications for paid employment are:

1. Are you a child?

2. Are you currently living in a 3rd world country, preferably Bangladesh?

3. Does your country have lax child labor and occupational safety laws and enforcement?

If all 3 of those qualifications are met, then you just might be Angus Fala Worldwide Material.  Unfortunately, Mr. Bear did not have any of those 3 items on his resume.

But I got good news.  I was able to extend Mr. Bear an offer as a permanant unpaid, 80 hour a week unpaid intern, and he did accept.  It means he had to divorce his wife and place his 3 cubs in the home of his uncle, Smokey, but hey, personal life is none of my concern.  I’m running a business here, not a social club!

Angus & Mr. Bear Dec 2014Here is Mr. Bear on his first day on the job.  I’m letting him watch as I show him how the CEO of Angus Fala Worldwide (that would be me) digs into his latest performance bonus.

So far, he is doing well.  He is not saying a heck of a lot (unlike Ainsley), but he seems pretty slow and doesn’t move around much either.  Just so he doesn’t mess with my toys, I think we’ll be a-ok.

All the Best,
Sgt. Angus Fala, Chief Executive Officer & Chairman of the Board
Angus Fala Worldwide Enterprises, LTD INC LLC