Every year about this time virtuallyevery house in the neighborhood gets broken into. The crime normally happens at night. It’s always the same perpetrator, or so it seems. I’ve checked around, and I’ve worked up a physical description of the suspect.
He is a male, race is Caucasian, obese, with gray hair and gray facial hair. Wears a suit, red in color. Typical M.O. is entering residences through the roof area. Known to steal baked goods and dairy products (i.e. milk and cookies).
Sgt. Angus Fala
So, Catman (aka Daddy) – takes Ainsley to work with him. I stayed home, per my usual Modus Operandi. Ainsley, Catman, Hooman Uncle, Hooman Grandpa, and another dude drive around a bit, to McDonald’s of course, and comes back to the work, leaving Ainsley in the Van (aka Angus Mobile), about 4:20 pm. Then, about 6:30 pm, Catman leaves work, goes out to the parking lot, and hooman uncle, who is getting in his car, remarks that Catman’s van, (aka Angus Mobile) has its side door open.
Catman immediately rushes to the van, afraid, and expecting to find an empty van, with Ainsley gone. A door left open, for who knows how long, and a 4 year old Scottie, of course she’s gone, maybe forever, maybe hit by a car, who knows what, right? Well, the door was indeed open, wide open, but Ainsley was still inside the van, just sitting in the driver’s seat.
Don’t know how it happened…don’t know when it happened. That van, a Chrysler, has had crazy electrical problems before…windows that roll open, windshield wipers that quit working, headlights that stop working, radios that go dark…all sorts of crazy things. And the doors are electrical – and can be open from a little button on the remote control. So we don’t know if maybe the door was opened by accidentally pressing the button just minutes before Catman went outside, or if had been open for hours by some crazy random electrical glitch. All we know is we are all amazed that crazy Ainsley didn’t make a break toward freedom, like she did a couple of years ago when a fence gate was accidentally left open.
Anyway, everything is ok. Pic below is tonight, after the almost tragic events, with Ainsley watching the “Amazing Race,”, one of her favorite TV Shows. A show about travelling – which is funny, since she had her chance to do some travelling today and didn’t take it.
Today is the worst day of all – grooming day.
Here I am before the grooming –
And here is Ainsley pleading with Catman (aka Daddy) to not let the groomer take her. Pitiful.
The groomer said we did “ok.” – and time now for your teachable moment. Never let a groomer say that you were “good,” or “sweet,” or anything like that. You want to be “bad”, “difficult,” or preferably “we had to call the ambulance to take the groomer to the hospital. We think her finger might can be reattached.” That’s what I’m shooting for next time. But for now, I have to live we “ok.”
And we’re back now at Angus Manor. Post grooming pics to come later.
Taking a bit of a break after a morning of patrolling and sentry duty drills.
I didn’t post anything this weekend, because I was busy for a very solemn ceremony. Graduation day at Angus Manor.
15 Devil Ball recruits have been trained at Angus’s Devil Ball Boot Camp and Hell Week (another fine service of Angus Fala Worldwide – Defense Industries).
Now, these Devil Ball Soldiers, newly commissioned Private First Class in the Scottie Army, will be dispatched, literally, around the world.
As you see above, I am addressing the new troops, which are attentively listening to me on the rug in front of me, while the rest of my army listens in rapt attention.
I told the new soldiers the following in their graduation address:
Always stick to your cover story. Always. Never tell the truth, even when it’s obvious you are lying.
Don’t give a North Korean Hacker your username and password.
Remember – a stranger is an enemy you haven’t met yet.
And finally – Wear Sunscreen. The long term benefits of sunscreen have been proven by scientists.
Here you can see another view of my awe-inspiring and modest lecture:
05 Dec 2014 0715 Local Time
From: Sgt. Angus Fala
Re: Post Patrol Report – First Patrol for PFC Biggie Bear
Area: Environs and immediate proximate vicinity of Angus Manor, Northern Illinois Scottie Patrol Assigned Area
Enclosures and/or Attachments: Photographic Representation (see above) of myself, Sgt. Angus, and PFC (Formerly Mr.) Bear prior to Patrol
Troops and Weaponry: Sgt. Angus Fala, Cpl Ainsley McKenna (not shown), PFC Biggie Bear, Scottie Staff Hooman Combat Photographer (Expendable), 2 Polymer Based Attack Repellent Cranium Cover i.e. PBARCC (Ainsley refuses to wear hers), 2 Standard Issue Scottie Jaws Rated for Closed Quarter Combat, and Standard Issue Scottie Mouths for Long Range Acoustic Salvo Launching
Details of Patrol: It was the first patrol for PFC Bear. Bear successfully attended pre-combat training for a cadet of his rank, however, people kept honking and laughing and yelling and pointing – almost like they have never seen a Bear and a Scottie wearing a helmet walking down the sidewalk before. Weird. Obviously, stealth was not achieved – I am recommending that PFC Bear attend and successfully complete Angus Fala Worldwide Enterprises – Defense Division: How to be a Ninja seminar.
I certify these details to be accurately recalled: Sgt. Angus Fala