Good Fences Make Stoopid Strangers

I have a small parcel of land that is mine and mine alone.  It is probably about 7000 square feet, and enclosed in a fence.

This land is not the bank’s, it’s not Barack Obama’s, not Donald Trump’s, not Vladimir Putin’s, not ISIS’s, not yours, not your dog’s – it’s mine.  It’s called the backyard.

As a puppy, while brother Angus would play in there and mug for the camera, I took it upon myself to guard and protect it.

angus and ainsley 9-3-2013 2-26-06 PM


I got a million photos like this.  Angus in the foreground, barking or playing or having a ball in his mouth, and in the background, there will be me, on the fence line.  In good weather and in bad.

angus looking at camera ainsley away 1-27-2011 1-45-42 PM


So now that I have set the background, let me tell you a little story about yesterday.

ainsley in fence with sun 3-14-2015 5-40-23 PM

Mama let me outside, about oh nine hundred, for the 2nd time yesterday, and she settled down in her recliner with a diet coke, and then heard me barking (aka acoustic salvo launching).

In itself, my firing acoustic salvos at the yard is not unusual.  It’s what I do.  I’m protective about 2 things in this world.  First is the car, when I am in it alone.  I’m gonna defend it.  If staff is in the car, not so much.  They can defend it for themselves.  The second thing is my backyard.  And I will defend it if staff it out there or not.  I’m always watching – alert.  Looking for threats to the fenceline.

ainsley watching 3-13-2015 5-54-35 PM

Anyway, where was I in my story?  Oh yes, barking.  So Mama thought, “Do I need to get up?”  Not unless Ainsley doesn’t stop soon.  Then she heard a terrible ruckus.  Acoustic Salvos being fired at a rapid more frantic rate, and growling and all sorts of commotion.  So this time, she decides, i gotta get up now and see what is going on.

So she goes to the backdoor, opens it, and there I am, at the fence line, and just outside the fence is a woman carrying away a little dustmop of a dog, glaring at me!  The stranger walks back to the sidewalk, and then puts little dustmop dog on the sidewalk, and walks away.

ainsley in fence 2-24-2016 7-28-41 AM

Now, questions for the glaring lady:

First, why did you walk to the fenceline?  It’s a good 20-30 feet from the sidewalk to my fence.  Nobody gets to visit unless you are on the guest list.  And let me see – I don’t see don’t see your name, and I don’t see Dustmop’s name either.  I don’t even see Paul McCartney’s name (which is the only thing I have in common with Tyga, I suppose)  In fact, yesterday’s invited guest list was empty.  Nobody was on it.  So why did you think it was a wonderful idea to walk up to my fence?

Second, in what point during my acoustic salvo firing did you think I was saying, “hey, I like you, come up and see me?”  I mean, a dog with a mouth like a German Shepherd and huge outsized teeth doesn’t seem that friendly, I wouldn’t think.  And I am a terrier, right?  I look like a Scottie, the AKC says I am a Scottie. So whadaya know, I am a Scottish Terrier.  Not a Golden…not a Lhasa Apso, not a stoopid friendly beagle…I am a Terrier.  Do I look approachable to you???  Maybe one of my acoustic salvos misfired, and instead of saying what I intended for it to convey, which was “Get the Hell Away from my Yard,” perhaps it said “Hey, come on down.”  If it did say that, please let me know.  I will need to call Scottish Terrier Acoustic Salvo Technical Support and ask them what the problem is with my acoustic salvos.

Third question – why you glaring at me?  Why don’t you take a little mirror out of your purse, and glare at the reflection.  Cause the only one here doing what they are NOT supposed to be doing was you.  You Maroon!



18 thoughts on “Good Fences Make Stoopid Strangers

  1. Whoa! Didn’t see that coming. Do you think just maybe dustmop thought you were her new best friend and tried to come in through the posts and got stuck? Glarer got caught in getting dustmop out while dustmop wanted in. You were just cheer leading the entire scenario.

    Liked by 3 people

  2. You are always going to have such a problem Because while you are a Scottie, thanks to that knuckle head, Walt Disney who made Scotties just adorable, people will always think you are going to be a friendly, wind-up toy, simply too cute to resist. Being beautiful is a blessing and a curse which by now, you well know.

    Liked by 5 people

  3. Boy AInsley, backup cannot arrive soon enough…even though the newbie will need a manual and some training. By the way, did I tell you Mama ligature & despises Walt Disney? Fantasia gave her screaming nightmares, Bambi has been traumatizing her for 60 years now, and she doesn’t even want to think about he screwed Winnie The Pooh. But where was I? 7000 square feet and an elegant fence is a lot for one person to patrol..,good thing it looks fairly clear of shrubs, so you get good sight down the line. As for Dustmop, he/she couldn’t choose the maroon hooman, and it appears that DM didn’t get any assistance in the cranium dept either. So, mark this up to another successful day of patrol. I think a trip to the Aunt Judy in is in order after such exertion.

    Liked by 2 people

  4. Right on Ainsley. We totally agree with everything you said. We never understand either when all three of my dogs are going crazy when you are walking your dog by our house why I’m the world would you let your dog come in our yard to pee or poop!

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Ainsley and I were wonderin’ if you’d taste like chicken….Jack Nicholson said in the movie “Goin’ South” ,”poultry is just another word for chicken”. Uncle Bob

      Liked by 1 person

  5. Was that dustmop actually off-leash? That hooman is even more stoopid. Or did said hooman let the little dustmop enter your property on leash? Either way, no accounting for stoopid. Holler if you need back-up. Kenzie and I launch acoustic salvos at anyone daring to pass our property even on the street. Well played, Ainsley. Angus is proud of your efforts!

    Liked by 2 people

  6. Some dog people – make that – a LOT of dog people are stoopid, Capt. Ya cannot fix stoopid. Never suffer fools or their canines. Your yard is YOUR yard. The common area is YOUR common area. The sidewalks, the no fly zone, the areas that are within your sight are YOURS. Never back down! People may not like it but it’s a life lesson for them!

    Liked by 2 people

  7. What a stoopid hooman. Does she/he/it not know that a dustmop should be inside their house dusting. It was bred/made for just that and that alone !!!

    Liked by 1 person

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